Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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