Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
