hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
