Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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