there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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