We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
