jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
