dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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