shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
