Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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