You made me cry and you don't even care
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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