There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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