i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You have to summon your inner elephant
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
