she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
