She said her name was "party"
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
