It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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