Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
