my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
