I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
