They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
