Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
