I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
