By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
