i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
