so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
