If that was your dad, he is hot
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
