The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
