I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
