I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
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