I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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