what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
