I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
