I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
