Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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