i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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