I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
