well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
