My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
