Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
