Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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