i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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