I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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