butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
