He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
