His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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