Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Randomize
