all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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