If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
