We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
