i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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