i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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