My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
