I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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